Premier League Table 2025/26 Predictions: Bold, Shocking & Hilarious Take
The Real Deal with Predictions /premier league table
- Let’s be honest—predictions aren’t just a bit of fun or some innocent pastime.
- Every so-called “guess” is loaded with your not-so-secret loathing of [insert your club here], plus whatever weird grudge you’re holding against Arsenal this week.
- Ignore the whole “someone had to pick them” excuse. It’s basically a shopping list of old beefs, half-hearted shrugs, and a sprinkle of wishful thinking.
Why “Forecasting” Is Just Glorified Guesswork
- “Forecasting” sounds so official, but let’s call it what it is: guessing, with a side of self-delusion.
- Reality always out-crazies whatever you dream up.
- Who in their right mind had Liverpool running away with it by March?
- Manchester City winning one in thirteen? United moping around in 15th? Spurs in 17th? Palace winning the FA Cup? Chris Wood suddenly banging in 20? Nope. Not even the “in the know” crowd.
- So, yeah, predictions? Useless. But hey, let’s do it anyway.
2025-26 Premier League Table Prediction (with Absolutely No Confidence)
1. Manchester City*
- That bizarre losing streak last season? Absolutely delightful, but honestly, a total anomaly for City.
- Pep Guardiola’s got that mad genius vibe—obsessed with being the best, tearing it down just to rebuild it, like some football LEGO maniac.
- I just love Omar Marmoush. And yes, part of that is because his name sounds epic when commentators yell it. But also, he’s got that spark.
2. Arsenal
- There’s something almost poetic about Arsenal finishing runners-up again and again. It’s hilarious, in a tragic sort of way.
- Martín Zubimendi? Class act. Their midfield? Absolutely stacked.
- Viktor Gyökores could be the answer up top…or maybe just another “close but no cigar.”
- Smarter heads (shout out to Jonny Liew) reckon Gyökores will do enough to pull defenders away for Saka to go full-on cheat code.
- Myles Lewis-Skelly and Ethan Nwaneri? Sky’s the limit. Arsenal might be the best “second-best” team ever, but that won’t stop someone from yelling about dropped points at the Emirates.
3. Liverpool
- For context: This is written before Liverpool 3 (Ekitiké 37, Salah 54, 83) Bournemouth 1 (Evanilson 47).
- New boss Arne Slot’s got a tough gig, trying to glue together all these shiny new signings.
- Florian Wirtz is a magician, but he’ll shake things up for everyone else.
- Milos Kerkez is a blast, and with Frimpong on the other side, it’s not exactly Fensome & Kimble out there.
- Gaps? Oh yeah, plenty. But the biggest wild card is how the squad handles losing Diogo Jota.
- These guys spend more time together than with their own families. Real life doesn’t pause for the weekend.
- Some will play through the grief, others just can’t. We pretend we get players’ mindsets, but really? No clue. This is a brutal dose of reality for anyone still living in “football is just a game” land.
4. Chelsea
- Let’s face it: Chelsea might be the only other squad with a faint hope of winning it all.
- Feels like they’ve bought every attacking midfielder on the planet. Reality: Only about 20.
- Soon enough, some of the new batch will get “Nkunku’d” (read: sidelined or forgotten).
- Cole Palmer is the real deal. Estêvão? The hype is wild—people muttering his name alongside Pele and Zidane. Maybe chill out a bit on the pressure, though.
- Defensively, they’re a bit iffy. But up front, there’s real potential for fireworks.
5. Spurs
- Maybe I’m a sucker for recency bias, but there’s a legit buzz after the Super Cup—if you ignore what actually happened.
- Some players just seem to thrive in a Spurs kit: Bentancur, Sarr, Richarlison. Djed Spence? Looked reborn.
- If they land Eberechi Eze and maybe Savinho, and if the teams above beat each other up, my imaginary supercomputer gives them a whopping 1% shot at the title.
- Imagine Ange watching Kevin Danso arching his back and Andy Legg flying into the box from outta nowhere. Comedy gold.
6. Aston Villa
- Maybe it’s generous given their summer, but Unai Emery is still Unai Emery—doesn’t matter how many new faces pop up elsewhere.
- The obsession with transfers just makes people forget when a team’s already solid.
- Morgan Rogers? Top two Morgans in the league, easy.
- Tielemans is criminally underrated. Martinez should’ve gone to Atléti just for the drama, but he’s sticking around.
- And yes, I still stand by my never-trust-a-short-sleeved-keeper policy, even if Emi tests my faith every week.
7. Manchester United
- Why did I do this to myself? I guess the “this can’t last forever” logic got me, but clearly, it can.
- Maybe if they get Matheus Cunha, Benjamin Sesko, and Bryan Mbeumo, and drop Bruno deeper with a partner who’s part T-1000, part Roadrunner, part prime Kanté…maybe.
- Arsenal up first. Buckle up.
- Every year we do this dance, pretending predictions matter, knowing full well they’re just fuel for banter and future memes.
- The only thing you can count on? Chaos. And maybe Arsenal finishing second. Or third. Or, you know, just being Arsenal.
- Football isn’t just stats and tactics; it’s wild swings, weird streaks, and lots of human messiness—on and off the pitch.
- So, there you have it. My “no confidence” table. Let’s see how reality makes a mockery of it by Christmas.
Table of Contents
Premier League table 2025/26
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Premier League standings
Manchester City Premier League 2025/26
Arsenal Premier League 2025/26
Liverpool Premier League 2025/26
Chelsea Premier League 2025/26
Spurs Premier League 2025/26
Aston Villa Premier League 2025/26
Manchester United Premier League 2025/26
Premier League top 6 prediction
Premier League bold predictions
Premier League funny predictions
Premier League 2025/26 table forecast
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